Im sorry.

This topic is important to me, im literally tearing up writing this. We all make mistakes in life, and sometimes hurt the people in our lives we care about.In my previous post i told you, i went back and started lying to that Special Person (dad2), i feel bad, i cant say "I'm sorry" because it lost it meaning. 

You would think he would be mad at me, but its the opposite, I'm kinda mad at him.

I've lied one to many times, to people that have a special place in my heart. One person, in particular. Can you guess the person? Well, i hope this poem, i wrote, means more than a regular sorry. And that one person, can tell how sincere i really am. Well, lets hope, here it is.

IM SORRY FOR MY ACTIONS

IM SORRY FOR MY BEHAVIOR

IM SORRY FOR MY LYING

I CANT TAKE IT BACK

I WISH I COULD                                         I FEEL SO MUCH GUILT

I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG

I DONT KNOW WHAT, GOT INTO MY MIND

FROM DEEP INSIDE MY HEART, I BRING THIS APOLOGY

I know there is no valid excuse for what i did, im really sorry. I truly care, and what i did was unfair.

I really hope you can forgive me, i really feel awful about lying again. I beat myself up for doing this. 

Latest Update

I thought i would write today. Have not wrote in couple weeks. 

The past couple weeks, i have many ups and downs. 

As Dad 2 would say"my blood pressure is just where i want it", its not, its 104/91. Ive been getting migraines lately, been getting in arguments with parents. I went back and started lying to Dad 2, after i haven't in awhile. You would think he would be mad at me, buts its kinda the opposite. 

The only fun, positive things are i GOT A JOB, and I'm doing volunteer work in a classroom. I also  went to a basketball game this week with my brother, it was a blast. 

I tell everyone to pay attention to their health, not pay attention to negative things, i really mean it. When your in school like i am, its hard to pay attention to school work with negative things going on in your life. I would know, I'm in the middle if withdrawing from a class. 

I will write more, lots going on.  

My life.

I really hate my life sometimes, I Don't get any quite time while doing College. My dad acts like a little kid, calls me names, but when i give it back to him " im a bitch". I get in fights with my dad. Like just recently i got in a fight and punched him. 

Im afraid to check my blood pressure, cause i know its high. I feel sick almost two times a week. 

 I have had enough with all this crap, its to the point where i want to withdrawal from some college classes becauseI'm  failing or have a D in a class. I want to move out,but i cant because i have to focus on my education.

. I just dont want to be with my family at all. Im crying myself to bed at some nights. I cry myself to sleep because of the disrespect i get, cause I'm not doing good in college, because i feel like a bad daughter and sister. 

I lie constantly to people to cover up mu feelings. 

HIGH ON SHIRLEY TEMPLE

I never had so much fun before at a Friends house. I spent the night at a friends house. Had some Shirley Temples, and coke. Almost had a broken nose, turned out to be a sprain. Woke up to headaches. 

I will do that all over again

Attitudes

I know this is hard to read, but i want everyone to try to read it. I got this from my DAD2. I got this during a talk we had, and i put it right near my Diploma. I rread it everyday. It means alot to me. This is what is helping me get farther in life. I read it every morning, and share bits of it to my sister and brother. Im helping them learn to make better decisions in life.   

Health update

Well im getting sick, i have been outside in the rain for the past three days, my stomach is killing me, im getting migranes everyday again. My Blood Pressure is still high. Im just a mess.

APARTMENT SEARCHING

I really need to start searching for apartments ASAP. I Can not stand living at home anymore. Parents driving me crazy, cant get work done. Siblings are annoying, dont listen. Im so DONE LIVING AT HOME.
Im to the point where i want to withdraw from some classes.