Birthday Weekend!!!

Well, i have not written in a bit. I have had alot going on. I just Celebrated my birthday on Valentines Day! It started off great on Thursday, my favorite class i volunteer in, sang me Happy Birthday, and i gave them Valentines Day goody bags. On my actual birthday, it started great, we had a little party with the family, and i got my gifts. Then it started going downhill from there.(There always need to be a fight 😔😪) We however managed to get together for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Then Saturday night, my 3 girlfriends and i went to the mall and ate Dinner, then went to the Movies. Being crazy 17-19 year old "kids" we are,we went to Almost every clothing store(killing time) and tried on so many clothes. (We almost got kicked out!!!haha). Then on our way to the movies, we got stopped by Mall Security. They needed to check our ages. We had some great times! I had a Friend fall on the Escalater, one fall in the restaurant, then one spill there drink! While, im suffering from a Headache, and Stomach ache writing this. Yea!

Great Birthday Weekend??!! Well, we can say that :(

Dont want to right everything. Just got home, tired, have work at 8, and i will just get upset/ aggravated if i write everything. I will write tomorrow, some things, and how i handled them. Stayed tuned, it will be up around 10pm!  

Update from last blog: Dad2 and i have been talking. He a course still does not trust me, believe me on things. We talked and we didnt totally agree with each other, however some how i managed to get mad at him. THowever, the outcome was that if i use inappropriate language, lie, he will text me "done", and i will be cut off.  It kinda is like "walking on egg shells" when i am talking to him. Im afraid if i say something, i will regret it and he will text me "done".

Sorryy Dad

I dont know how to Explain what i did was wrong, i dont know how to tell you how sorry i am. But im gonna try, so here it goes. 

I know what i did was wrong. You probably want a explanation. I know after you read this, you will be real mad at me. Even though i Apologize it wont help, because it lost its meaning. 

 Well, i was a bad "Daughter", i took advantage of your help, and pushed your buttons. I was testing you, to see if you would actually "cut me off". Then to lie to try to cover it up. I have no idea, why i would do that to you. I appreciate your help, i call you and look up to you as another father. Im Really Really sorry. I feel really bad for what i did.

Dad2

Im very sorry for what i said the other day. In hindsight, my behavior was extremely disruptive and disrespectful to you.You can expect better and more appropriate behavior from me in the future. I have learned from this experience. I recognize your commitment to teach me the knowledge I need to succeed. I hope you can forgive me. I hope our relationship is undamaged from my actions and that I can continue to learn and grow under your guidance.

Love,

Kenzie.

Midnight bowling drink

So my friends and i went to midnight bowling. We had this drink, and it was actually ok. We also had our Shirley Temples!! Just thought i would post this. Other people actually liked the shirley temple post. Well, im going to bed, goodnight. Please like or comment if u try this drink!

Christmas spirit

Hey, hey, hey white drops are fallin 

Hey, hey, hey the angels are callin 

Yeah, yeah, yeah Jesus a rising

Christmas is a coming

Hang up your stockings

Christmas is a coming

Angels are coming, so better start believing 

Everyone celebrates, time to start giving

So start this song

Hey, hey,hey Santa is on its way

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah season's greetings

Yeah,yeah,yeah time for caroling. 

Christmas is a coming 

Happy New Year

Christmas is a coming

Ribbons and wrappers 

Christmas tree is all shining

Get all dressed up

hey,hey,hey Merry Christmas

Yeah,yeah,yeah wishing a new year

Hey,hey,hey the world is white and clear

Say no more Christmas is a coming

 Hey,hey,hey no more glooming 

yeah,yeah,yeah there is more blooming

hey,hey,hey everything is ready

Christmas a coming

Update: Final week before christmas break for everyone. I did volunteer work again this week. We had our Christmas party, and did crafts. At the end of the day, they gave me a gift, it was so sweet. They gave me a Apple cinnamon candle. When i brought them up for dismissal, i actually got teary eyed. Didnt cry likethe teacher did, haha   . I had 5 kids hugging me, asking me to come back, there exact words  " Miss Mackenzie, can you please come back after break" " Miss Mackenzie, we love having you in, you are the best Student Teacher".  I love doing volunteer, i cant wait to actually teach them. That class is my favorite, and   I love those cray, kids.  

Stressful life

Well, my life has been stressful lately, many fights going on in my life. Ive been getting involved or getting stressed over BS that dosent involve me. When i get worked up, my blood pressure gets high, therefore my blood pressure has been high. I try to be the person that stops the fighting, but i only make it worse. I have been getting involved more than i should have. 

My grades were not what i wanted them to be. I feel i will have people being dissapointed in me because they know im a smart girl, and im capable of doing better. On that note, i know what i need to do nxt semester to bring my grades higher.  

Update12/24 I got a C in every course. Final GPA was a 2.00

I have been LYING. I lied to somebody i REALLY should not have, I have been trying to stop. I stoped for awhile. I did it to cover the way i feel, and to protect both mine and his feelings. However, it only hurts that person, and gets me introuble. Im probably gonna be cut off next time, if he does not catch me, with this one.

Usually my blood pressure is high, well i have not been feelin well so i had my aunt look at me. I have had low sugar one day, high the next. I have had alot going on.

Im completly stressed to the max. My aunt is in the Hospital Hospice care unit, i have two jobs i have been workin, and im going back to school in two weeks. I also just break up with my boyfriend. Nothing can seem to go my way. Im just emotionally drained. 

Thanksgiving Day Challenge

Your mission for Thanksgiving was to send people "Happy Thanksgiving and Thank You"!!

Some people forwarded me there message. As i promised, i would post mine. 

Who i thanked(other than my family)

My 12th grade science tutor who is like a dad to me. Thank you for always being here for me, and never giving up on me.

My friends who keep me out of trouble. Who are here for me, who i can talk to about everything  

Thanksgiving Challenge

 #Thanksgiving Challenge -- find someone you are grateful for and thank them!!!! Tell them why you are grateful for them being in your life.!!!! 

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you don't see them call or text them, send then a email, a letter. 

Just send "Thank You, and explain why"

Post some as a comment, tweet them to me, i would like to hear some. Ill post mine, in next post!!!

Im sorry.

This topic is important to me, im literally tearing up writing this. We all make mistakes in life, and sometimes hurt the people in our lives we care about.In my previous post i told you, i went back and started lying to that Special Person (dad2), i feel bad, i cant say "I'm sorry" because it lost it meaning. 

You would think he would be mad at me, but its the opposite, I'm kinda mad at him.

I've lied one to many times, to people that have a special place in my heart. One person, in particular. Can you guess the person? Well, i hope this poem, i wrote, means more than a regular sorry. And that one person, can tell how sincere i really am. Well, lets hope, here it is.

IM SORRY FOR MY ACTIONS

IM SORRY FOR MY BEHAVIOR

IM SORRY FOR MY LYING

I CANT TAKE IT BACK

I WISH I COULD                                         I FEEL SO MUCH GUILT

I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG

I DONT KNOW WHAT, GOT INTO MY MIND

FROM DEEP INSIDE MY HEART, I BRING THIS APOLOGY

I know there is no valid excuse for what i did, im really sorry. I truly care, and what i did was unfair.

I really hope you can forgive me, i really feel awful about lying again. I beat myself up for doing this. 

Latest Update

I thought i would write today. Have not wrote in couple weeks. 

The past couple weeks, i have many ups and downs. 

As Dad 2 would say"my blood pressure is just where i want it", its not, its 104/91. Ive been getting migraines lately, been getting in arguments with parents. I went back and started lying to Dad 2, after i haven't in awhile. You would think he would be mad at me, buts its kinda the opposite. 

The only fun, positive things are i GOT A JOB, and I'm doing volunteer work in a classroom. I also  went to a basketball game this week with my brother, it was a blast. 

I tell everyone to pay attention to their health, not pay attention to negative things, i really mean it. When your in school like i am, its hard to pay attention to school work with negative things going on in your life. I would know, I'm in the middle if withdrawing from a class. 

I will write more, lots going on.  

My life.

I really hate my life sometimes, I Don't get any quite time while doing College. My dad acts like a little kid, calls me names, but when i give it back to him " im a bitch". I get in fights with my dad. Like just recently i got in a fight and punched him. 

Im afraid to check my blood pressure, cause i know its high. I feel sick almost two times a week. 

 I have had enough with all this crap, its to the point where i want to withdrawal from some college classes becauseI'm  failing or have a D in a class. I want to move out,but i cant because i have to focus on my education.

. I just dont want to be with my family at all. Im crying myself to bed at some nights. I cry myself to sleep because of the disrespect i get, cause I'm not doing good in college, because i feel like a bad daughter and sister. 

I lie constantly to people to cover up mu feelings. 

HIGH ON SHIRLEY TEMPLE

I never had so much fun before at a Friends house. I spent the night at a friends house. Had some Shirley Temples, and coke. Almost had a broken nose, turned out to be a sprain. Woke up to headaches. 

I will do that all over again

Attitudes

I know this is hard to read, but i want everyone to try to read it. I got this from my DAD2. I got this during a talk we had, and i put it right near my Diploma. I rread it everyday. It means alot to me. This is what is helping me get farther in life. I read it every morning, and share bits of it to my sister and brother. Im helping them learn to make better decisions in life.   

Health update

Well im getting sick, i have been outside in the rain for the past three days, my stomach is killing me, im getting migranes everyday again. My Blood Pressure is still high. Im just a mess.

APARTMENT SEARCHING

I really need to start searching for apartments ASAP. I Can not stand living at home anymore. Parents driving me crazy, cant get work done. Siblings are annoying, dont listen. Im so DONE LIVING AT HOME.
Im to the point where i want to withdraw from some classes.

Blood Pressure

Well, i got my Blood Pressure checked. Still high. Wish it was low

English Essay

Well, I'm in my third week of online classes for college. Everything is going ok, I could be doing better with my classes though. Every week we have to write a essay for English, every week the length gets longer. The topics for our Essays are " Teachers", our Professor is having us write about Valuable Lessons teachers have taught us. As everyone knows, I didn't have a good relationship with most my teachers/tutors, so some of these topics are hard. Well, this week I have two 500 word essay to write, the Question/Topic for each

Write about a teacher that you have a positive, Teacher-Student relationship with. Have you ever lied, taking this teacher for granted? If so, have you tried to fix the problem?

The other Essay
Write about a fond memory you have of a teacher, that taught you a Valuable Lesson?

These topics are very interesting for me to write about. I've been through a lot as You all can tell, and these essays are really making me think about how much "Crap", I have put that teacher through. I will post the essays when completely done

Guilt?

Ok, so remember that person i told u about earlier, the one that is in the same position as me? Well, she txted me the first day of school. Here message was:
"Hey, i thought i would tell you i have the same teacher who is like a father figure. I need your advice, you remember the situation that happened months back. I still have guilt for lying, although i apologized.The first day of school, i had the perfect chance to talk to him about me still feeling guilty, but i couldnt. Should i talk to him after class or is it a waste of time? Have u ever felt like this, did u talk to him?

Response" Congrats on having the same teacher. I do remember the situation you had. As, for this situation, i 100%, relate to this situation. As for me talking to him about feelinv guilty still, i have brought it, but I have not really had a "heart felt" talk, like i think i should. I suggest you do the same, i know, months back, youre apoligy didnt end up like you wanted. It happens, all " Teacher Father Figures" are different. I know you want to talk to him, and you definetly should, you just have to time it right. You made a good choice not doing it first day, want till you get settled in, and the first week is over. Just tell him what you told me. Promise me you will do it, and i promise ill do it. Keep posted.

A picture says A Thousand words.

I have no comment, but,
"A PICTURE SAYS A THOUSANDS WORDS"

Honesty!

I know im gonna repeat my self"I can make drama out of anything", still is applies in my life.
I have had some crazy days lately, I have lied to someone special again. I lied to this person about fights i had with the family. I told this person the fights were created 50/50, i lied i created most of them. I was getting more attention, then it stoped so i decieded to get negative attention, and create DRAMA. I may have also, lied about my grades for college. I only lie to protect my feelings, cause i know with someone issues, im afraid to hear the truth. Im not using that as an excuse at all. I know im gonna have to do alot of explaining.

HATE MY LIFE SOMETIMES

I really hate my life sometimes, i dont get any respect half the time. Dont get any quite time while doing College. My dad acts like a little kid, calls me names, but when i give it back to him " im a bitch". I have had enough with all this crap, its to the point where i want to withdrawal from some college classes, i want to move out, i just dont want to be with my family at all. Im crying myself to bed at some nights. I cry myself to sleep because of the disrespect i get, and then when i give it back to my dad, i kinda feel bad, but i know thats what he deserves.